News On the Toilet
by LeTardis
Summary: Most people would be happy to find a positive pregnancy test on their toilet, and I'm sure they would know exactly what it is too. Enter Squalo; Who the heck put a white stick on my Toilet? Genre; Horror...because I think we all know how the swordsman will react.


**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of the VERY HOT MEN in this manga. Though I wish I did…**

**Rated T for Squalo's Language (originally posted on Hum-Burgler's page. I am the same person!)  
**

**Will feature an OC but it's all from Squalo's point of view. And most of the time he will be yelling at her...if that gives you some sort of satisfaction.  
**

News on the Toilet:

Superbia Squalo irritably brushed his teeth and glared at the mirror. His sharp gaze screamed bloody murder, the tooth paste foam added a nice touch. But the mirror wasn't the one he wanted to kill. No, the thing that he longed to be on the other end of his blade was that;

"Damn _Woman_." he mumbled his mouth full of tooth brush and tooth paste. He angrily spat out the paste in the sink and rinsed his mouth scowling. '_That damn woman and her damn annoying qualities. Who does she think I am? Prince charming?' _Obviously she did if that argument this morning was any indication. He jerkily reached for his comb his thoughts making him grit his teeth.

He snarled impatiently as he raked a brush through his long hair_. 'Was this usually the point in a relationship were you started expressing your feelings through words?_'

Squalo sighed, slowly down and letting his anger drain away. Through words? He was bad at that, and he knew it. He realized quite awhile ago that this woman was more than just someone he slept with. _Those _women never stayed, this one did. _Those _women didn't make the bed or smile fondly at his noisy yelling. _Those_ women didn't somehow gain (slight) respect from his boss and supcordinates. _Those _women didn't have that warm, gentle smile just for him.

When he came back from a hit covered in blood, _this _woman didn't cower in fear. _This _woman, though not a fighter, always knew when to smack him across the face when he acted out of rage. _This _woman he _loved _and it made all the difference.

Tch. _Love._ 'How the mighty Superbia Squalo has fallen.' He thought silently. Yet he couldn't find it in himself to care.

Putting down his brush he was pulled out of his musings when he noticed something lying innocently on the toilet. Intrigued he walked over and reached to pick it up. With it in his hands he scrutinized it with narrowed eyes. It was long, about the length of his hand and white with a little circle on the end. Inside the circle was a little blue X or depending on how you look at it a little blue plus sign.

"What the _hell_ is this?" he demanded at the toilet, like it was the one to spit the white contraption out. Of coarse he didn't get an answer, he wasn't expecting one. But he did look down at the mysterious thing in his hands and raised an eyebrow. The only people who used this bathroom were him and his woman. If it was an object for women's needs, he couldn't tell. He could just throw it away, but something stopped him from throwing the little white stick in the trash.

Sighing irritably he kept it in his hand as he left the bathroom. With his sword on his other arm he left his room and made a steady pace down one of the many halls in the Varia mansion. He stopped when he saw the gay peacock trotting farther down the hall;

"Voi! Lussuria, come here!" The feathered assassin turned around with a surprised look on his face, though he always has that sickening sweet look on his face, so maybe he wasn't so surprised. Squalo growled when they met halfway and thrust the little white stick under his nose.

'_Lussuria was girly, right? Maybe he can shine some light on this little mystery' _

"What the hell is this?" he asked, and finally this time to something that could answer back. Lussuria looked at it with a blank look on his face. He blinked a couple times a smile threatening to break out on his lips. He looked disbelieving at his commander;

'_He doesn't know what a pregnancy test looks like?' _he fought a giggle that threatened to break past his lips.

"Were did you find it?" At Squalo's answer he fought back, this time a squeal.

"Turn it over!" He exclaimed not bothering to hide his excitement anymore. Squalo couldn't understand why the gay peacock was getting so emotional over a little white stick. But he turned it over anyway so the blue plus sign was facing up. He almost jumped back at the inhuman squeal Lussuria shrieked. The mohawked man was jumping up and down and clapping his hands in a fit of joy. Squalo suddenly had the urge to run away.

"Congratulations Squalo!" Squalo stared confused;

"What the HELL are you ta-'

"That's a pregnancy test! A positive one too!" Lussuria clapped, excitedly, "You're going to be a father!"

The world stilled. Everything became eerily quiet. He could still see Lussuria's mouth moving but none of his words registered. The only thing he heard was the steady increase of his heart beat. He slowly looked down to the _pregnancy test _on his open palm. The little blue plus sign, which suddenly looked terrifying, was mocking him. Looking 'oh so innocent' on the little white stick. Oh. My. God.

"VVOOOOOOOIIIIIII!" He shrieked, the only way that he could express his panic before turning around and fleeing down the hall yelling as he went;

"WOMAN! WHERE ARE YOU!" he sped down the halls kicking down doors that he thought would hold his hiding woman. Suddenly the argument they had this morning unexpectedly made sense. So that's what she meant!

He ran down a hall and saw the stupid frog; "VOI! WHERE IS SHE!" he yelled at him. Fran looked up disinterested and pointed lazily towards the dinning room. The moment his finger pointed to the door it was being kicked down.

"VOOOIIII WOMAN!" Said woman was already looking towards the door, not at all surprised at it being kicked down. She probly heard him yelling but was too lazy to get up and see what was wrong, _'that bitch'. _

"How many times have I told you to call me by my name?" The red head was not at all scared by his intimidating expression, "woman is just so insulting." She sighed slightly amused and wondering what was driving her lover up the wall.

Squalp ignored the comment and stomped over to her too wave the pregnancy test in her face. "What's with this!" was the only thing that he could think to say.

She blinked before grabbing the test before Squalo poked her eye out with it. Turning it over in her hands, she inspected it for a little bit, after a moment she looked up at her fuming lover who was going into what she guessed was shock. She blinked up at him a few more times;

"It's a positive pregnancy test." She replied blankly, not getting why her shark was so upset. His eye twitched threateningly;

"I found it on our toilet," He said each word slowly and carefully, as if talking to a child," Is there something you wish to tell me, woman?"

She looked back down carefully at the white stick, curious. She fought a laugh knowing it would just make him more upset;

"_I didn't _take this." She mumbled starting to fear for her life. Squalo of course didn't believe her;

"So you mean to tell me, that some one came into our room, took a _positive _pregnancy test then _left it _on our _toilet_?" he said getting more angry. He growled at her reply of 'yes!'

_Why was she lying to me?!_

"Weren't you yelling at me this morning about how I need to 'show more support, for you needs' or something like that!" He yelled frustrated,

"Yeah sure, but that's only because you have the emotional understanding the size of a tooth pick! Come on I've had dogs that can be easier to talk to than you!" She yelled right back

"Okay," Squalo quipped rolling his eyes," if _you_ didn't take this, than who did?"

His woman _'humfed'_ before looking back down at the test, flipping it over in her hands before freezing and holding the plus sign closer to her eyes. Then he watched wearily when her lips started twitching;

"This is written in blue pen."

"WHAT!" Squalo grabbed the test and took a better look at it, noticing a slight imperfection where the pen had bled. She was right it _was_ written in pen…it was fake? But...then who?

"Shishishishishishi-"

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" Squalo ran from the room waving his sword.


End file.
